Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Yes, Yes, I'm Still Here...

I’ve been in hibernation since early July, stricken with a case of seasonal depression.  The weather in Austin is unrelenting: 108 degrees and sunny.  Every. Single. Day.  A person can only take so much sunshine.

The so-called “sun shades” in my apartment just aren’t cutting it anymore.  I’ll crank the thermostat down to 60 degrees in a childish fit and an hour later it’s still 85 degrees in my living room.  In an attempt to block out all traces of sunlight, my husband and I took a bunch of old flattened moving boxes and boarded up our floor-to-ceiling windows.  I’m pretty sure that violates some sort of Feng Shui principle, but it’s better than slowly melting to death on our leather couch.

Last week, while the East Coast was grappling with an unprecedented earthquake and a massive 100-year storm, something even more rare and unexpected occurred here in Austin ...  It rained.  For, like, five whole minutes.  It was crazy.  This one dark cloud appeared on the horizon, and everyone was like, “Whoa, what is that?”  People dropped what they were doing and ran outside to watch the raindrops fall, capturing the event on their cell phones and alerting the public via social media: “OMG, is that? ... Could it be? ... It’s raining!”

Interestingly, that was the first day in a long time that I actually felt like writing.  But what to write?  Now that the novelty of blogging has worn off, it feels like a chore.  An incredibly time-consuming chore.  I’ve been waiting for a sign as to whether I should continue sending my thoughts into the great internet void, and finally one appeared in the form of an email reminding me that I have unused stock photo credits.  I realized that if I were to end my blog now, I would be wasting nine dollars.  I am way too cheap to let that happen. And so, my blog will live on!

First things first, I should probably update you on everything that’s happened over the last couple of months:
  • The food trailer that serves my favorite vegan mac ‘n cheese closed down.  That means I will have to spend countless hours attempting to recreate it.  All I know about their mysterious “cheeze” sauce is that it contains potatoes and mustard.  I am not expecting it to go well.
  • On a whim, I purchased a highly impractical, decorative fruit bowl crafted out of a single piece of chrome wire.  It now sits empty on our kitchen counter.  My husband recently started wearing it around on his head.  He calls it his “time-travel hat.”

  • Silverfish have inexplicably invaded our bathroom.  We took immediate action and sprayed an allegedly non-toxic pesticide along the baseboards.  (We made sure to wear swim goggles and a dust mask while spraying, just in case.)  If that doesn’t get rid of them, we’ll have to move.

Well, you are now officially up to speed.  Can you tell I haven’t been doing much lately?  My husband thinks I am in need of a clearly defined goal.  He insists that happiness comes from having a goal and making progress towards it.  Of course, he has plenty of goals and he's just as miserable as I am.  But it’s true that I’ve lost momentum.  Having a clearly defined goal couldn’t hurt.

Okay, so what should my new goal be?  There are so many options to choose from!

a) Jump-start the writing of my memoir by signing up for National Novel Writing Month.  If you write 50,000 words during the month of November, you get a web badge that says “Winner” and a PDF Winner’s Certificate.  Sweet!

b) Apply to a Creative Writing MFA program.  This would require me to retake the GRE exam (what do you mean those scores were only good for five years?!) and obtain three letters of recommendation from people who are "familiar with my writing" (that means you, blog followers!).  I suspect that all of this would earn me a personalized rejection letter from the school of my choice.

c) Go to vegetarian culinary school and open up my own vegan food trailer.  (It has come to my attention that there is a gaping hole in the market for vegan mac ‘n cheese.)

d) Work for my husband again, this time as his “office manager.”  I do love efficiency.

e) Go out and get a real job.  (Gasp!)

f) Go out and get a puppy (preferably a poodle named Noodles) and teach him to do tricks.