You can learn a lot by watching movies, even how to deal with a career crisis! Some of my favorite films feature protagonists who are unhappy with their jobs. Let’s see what advice they have to offer...
Working Girl (1988)
Steal your boss’s identity and develop a romantic relationship with a big-shot in the industry
Jerry Maguire (1996)
Write a 27-page mission statement detailing everything that is wrong with your industry, and when you're subsequently fired, don’t forget to steal the office goldfish
Office Space (1999)
Try occupational hypnotherapy, embrace insubordination, take your boss’s parking spot, beat up the fax machine, and embezzle $300,000
American Beauty (1999)
Blackmail your boss for $60,000 and blow the money on your dream car, then spend your days smoking pot and flipping burgers
Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)
Wear the same Costco-brand sweatpants for a week straight while you wallow in hilarious self-loathing
Role Models (2008)
Engage in destructive behavior while on the job, get arrested, and work through your issues in the world of live-action role playing
(500) Days of Summer (2008)
Go to work hungover, give a long-winded speech about everything that is wrong with your industry, and quit in order to pursue your dream job for which you are completely unqualified
Julie & Julia (2009)
Start a blog and hope for fame and fortune
Showing posts with label career advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label career advice. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Quitting with Flair
Since I’m both bitter and creative, I’ve always been tempted to quit my job in some hilarious way: on a cake, in a Mac alert, or by ripping my shirt open and having “Do What You Love” tattooed across my chest.
Resigning gracefully requires an incredible amount of willpower, especially when you loathe your superiors. I once worked for a blatantly sexist guy who ironically carried a purse. I also worked for a guy who routinely told off his employees, his clients, his waiters, and even his wife’s gynecologist. And at one point, I worked for my husband, who often implied that his employee was lazy. But as tempted as I've been to resign a job with a legendary "screw you" statement, I never so much as gave the finger on my way out the door. My father always told me to "never burn bridges." I know it’s just a saying, but the world really is a frighteningly small place. Awkward run-ins are inevitable.
Case in point: At age sixteen, I decided to spend the summer working full-time for the government. Five minutes after I clocked in on the first day, I realized that I had made a terrible mistake. I wanted to tell my boss that his office smelled weird and that he could take his data entry and shove it, but my parents convinced me it was a bad idea. I stayed the entire ten weeks, and on my last day of work, I presented my boss with a thank you note attached to a giant bag of Pull-N-Peel Twizzlers. Six years later, I randomly ended up sitting next to that same guy on a flight back from London. He immediately remembered the Twizzlers, gave me his business card, and offered to help me with my career in any way he could.
This story is part of the reason I have yet to quit a job with any style or flair. It’s a good thing, too, because several of my former bosses have popped up in future situations, including a job interview. And I run into my husband all the time.
So if you’re considering quitting your job, I suggest sticking with the traditional resignation letter and venting your frustration in other ways. Like, say, an anonymous blog!
Resigning gracefully requires an incredible amount of willpower, especially when you loathe your superiors. I once worked for a blatantly sexist guy who ironically carried a purse. I also worked for a guy who routinely told off his employees, his clients, his waiters, and even his wife’s gynecologist. And at one point, I worked for my husband, who often implied that his employee was lazy. But as tempted as I've been to resign a job with a legendary "screw you" statement, I never so much as gave the finger on my way out the door. My father always told me to "never burn bridges." I know it’s just a saying, but the world really is a frighteningly small place. Awkward run-ins are inevitable.
Case in point: At age sixteen, I decided to spend the summer working full-time for the government. Five minutes after I clocked in on the first day, I realized that I had made a terrible mistake. I wanted to tell my boss that his office smelled weird and that he could take his data entry and shove it, but my parents convinced me it was a bad idea. I stayed the entire ten weeks, and on my last day of work, I presented my boss with a thank you note attached to a giant bag of Pull-N-Peel Twizzlers. Six years later, I randomly ended up sitting next to that same guy on a flight back from London. He immediately remembered the Twizzlers, gave me his business card, and offered to help me with my career in any way he could.
This story is part of the reason I have yet to quit a job with any style or flair. It’s a good thing, too, because several of my former bosses have popped up in future situations, including a job interview. And I run into my husband all the time.
So if you’re considering quitting your job, I suggest sticking with the traditional resignation letter and venting your frustration in other ways. Like, say, an anonymous blog!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
There's a Career Advice Book for You!
Employment experts claim that it's impossible to quantify the increase in career changes, but all you have to do is look at the number of career self-help books. Seriously, there is a career advice book for absolutely everyone...
For men who like action movies:
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For people who are lazy or willing to believe anything:
For aggressive, sassy ladies:
For depressed and bitter women:
For women who miss the late 80s/early 90s (Geez, I wish I had a bodacious career!):
For trendy youngsters who like to text message and say "Dude":
For the religious (what would Jesus do? Oh right, carpentry):
For people who read horoscopes and believe in destiny:
For those who want a serious commitment (sure, you love it now, but will you still love it in 20 years?):
For retired people who aren't enjoying retirement (seriously? try harder):
For me, if time-travel was possible:
For dummies (um, yeah, if you're buying this book, your dream career may be out of reach):
For people who get excited about hand-woven cloth:
For ballet dancers who are now too old:
WTF?
For men who like action movies:
.jpg)
For people who are lazy or willing to believe anything:
For aggressive, sassy ladies:
For depressed and bitter women:
For women who miss the late 80s/early 90s (Geez, I wish I had a bodacious career!):
For trendy youngsters who like to text message and say "Dude":
For the religious (what would Jesus do? Oh right, carpentry):
For people who read horoscopes and believe in destiny:
For those who want a serious commitment (sure, you love it now, but will you still love it in 20 years?):
For retired people who aren't enjoying retirement (seriously? try harder):
For me, if time-travel was possible:
For dummies (um, yeah, if you're buying this book, your dream career may be out of reach):
For people who get excited about hand-woven cloth:
For ballet dancers who are now too old:
WTF?
Saturday, July 24, 2010
The Easiest (and Worst) Decision You'll Ever Make
I was recently asked to give advice to a family friend who is in college and having trouble deciding on a major. I wasn't sure what to tell her, given my current situation. But after some thought, I've come up with what I think is some excellent advice:
ADVICE FOR UNDECIDED COLLEGE STUDENTS
As an undecided college student, you will be led to believe that choosing a major must involve a great deal of thought and effort. You will be urged to assess your interests and abilities, while considering a dizzying array of job outlook statistics. It will be suggested that you peruse the descriptions in the course catalog and highlight the ones that are of interest. You may be coerced into a computerized career assessment that will offer a series of bizarre recommendations, such as “Avoid religious activities, farming/forestry, and supervision” and “Pursue performing arts, astronomy, and child development.” Someone you love will buy you a shiny new book that vows to help you “Find the perfect career!” and “Discover your life purpose in seven simple steps!”
These are empty promises, I promise you. Forget about deep introspection. The answer isn’t hiding deep inside of you, waiting to be uncovered. Kick back, relax, and accept the fact that you’re completely clueless.
Deciding on a career in college is like choosing a spouse before you’ve ever dated anyone. You can’t possibly make the right decision, because you only have a vague idea of what you’re looking for in an ideal mate. It takes years of unsuccessful dating to nail down the specifics. “Attractive and funny” eventually becomes “a morning person who knows how to use the word ‘ironically’ and is willing to clean a toilet.” It’s the same with picking a profession. Right now, your ideal career is probably something along the lines of “high-paying with unlimited vacation days.” If you stumble upon that job, let me know.
When it comes to declaring a major, I recommend selecting entirely at random. Don’t waste your time and energy agonizing over the decision when you could be drinking to excess or trying to get laid. Flip a coin. Point blindly to a page in the course catalog. Let your Facebook friends decide. Regardless of the effort you put into this decision, the probability of it working out is somewhere in the neighborhood of 1%.
Now, don’t panic, you won’t be stuck toiling away in a job you despise for the next forty years. Thankfully, times have changed. More than ever, middle-aged Americans are switching careers, pursuing multiple avenues, and going back to school. You know that weird old person you’ve seen around campus? In ten years, that could be you!
It’s a fact of life that the path to a fulfilling career entails spending several miserable years in the wrong profession. Five years after you earn a degree in earth science, you will finally recognize your passion for fashion. It might take ten years in advertising to realize that you were destined to become an industrial hemp grower. You may have to suffer the humiliation of being fired from your accounting job in order to discover your promising future as a rodeo clown. But don’t let that discourage you. If you were to survey all of the happy, successful people out there, you’d find that most of them lucked into their calling after a string of other gigs. Do you think the inventor of the Beerbrella could’ve predicted his life’s work at the age of nineteen? Bill Murray was a pre-med student until he got kicked out of school for a marijuana conviction and became the actor we all know and love. Colonel Sanders worked as an insurance salesman and a streetcar conductor and didn’t sell his first chicken until he was forty!
Remember that college is a time to open one’s mind. Aspire to be a well-rounded individual. And when you are forced to join the ranks of the “decided,” don’t overanalyze it. Pick a major, any major. And be prepared to redefine yourself.
ADVICE FOR UNDECIDED COLLEGE STUDENTS
As an undecided college student, you will be led to believe that choosing a major must involve a great deal of thought and effort. You will be urged to assess your interests and abilities, while considering a dizzying array of job outlook statistics. It will be suggested that you peruse the descriptions in the course catalog and highlight the ones that are of interest. You may be coerced into a computerized career assessment that will offer a series of bizarre recommendations, such as “Avoid religious activities, farming/forestry, and supervision” and “Pursue performing arts, astronomy, and child development.” Someone you love will buy you a shiny new book that vows to help you “Find the perfect career!” and “Discover your life purpose in seven simple steps!”
These are empty promises, I promise you. Forget about deep introspection. The answer isn’t hiding deep inside of you, waiting to be uncovered. Kick back, relax, and accept the fact that you’re completely clueless.
Deciding on a career in college is like choosing a spouse before you’ve ever dated anyone. You can’t possibly make the right decision, because you only have a vague idea of what you’re looking for in an ideal mate. It takes years of unsuccessful dating to nail down the specifics. “Attractive and funny” eventually becomes “a morning person who knows how to use the word ‘ironically’ and is willing to clean a toilet.” It’s the same with picking a profession. Right now, your ideal career is probably something along the lines of “high-paying with unlimited vacation days.” If you stumble upon that job, let me know.
When it comes to declaring a major, I recommend selecting entirely at random. Don’t waste your time and energy agonizing over the decision when you could be drinking to excess or trying to get laid. Flip a coin. Point blindly to a page in the course catalog. Let your Facebook friends decide. Regardless of the effort you put into this decision, the probability of it working out is somewhere in the neighborhood of 1%.
Now, don’t panic, you won’t be stuck toiling away in a job you despise for the next forty years. Thankfully, times have changed. More than ever, middle-aged Americans are switching careers, pursuing multiple avenues, and going back to school. You know that weird old person you’ve seen around campus? In ten years, that could be you!
It’s a fact of life that the path to a fulfilling career entails spending several miserable years in the wrong profession. Five years after you earn a degree in earth science, you will finally recognize your passion for fashion. It might take ten years in advertising to realize that you were destined to become an industrial hemp grower. You may have to suffer the humiliation of being fired from your accounting job in order to discover your promising future as a rodeo clown. But don’t let that discourage you. If you were to survey all of the happy, successful people out there, you’d find that most of them lucked into their calling after a string of other gigs. Do you think the inventor of the Beerbrella could’ve predicted his life’s work at the age of nineteen? Bill Murray was a pre-med student until he got kicked out of school for a marijuana conviction and became the actor we all know and love. Colonel Sanders worked as an insurance salesman and a streetcar conductor and didn’t sell his first chicken until he was forty!
Remember that college is a time to open one’s mind. Aspire to be a well-rounded individual. And when you are forced to join the ranks of the “decided,” don’t overanalyze it. Pick a major, any major. And be prepared to redefine yourself.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Happy Little Beer Logos
My ex-career counselor believed that the key to discovering your new career was to combine old interests with new interests. She had me make a list of my hobbies. I was working full-time, so the list was something like “television, beer.” (You might not consider beer a hobby, but I spend a lot of time imbibing Belgian-style ales, so it totally counts.) After reviewing my short list, she told me to try combining "beer" with a new hobby. For this new hobby, I chose painting.
Why painting? Well, I used to get a kick out of watching Bob Ross on the public television series The Joy of Painting. Anyone remember him? He was the happy-go-lucky painter with the white-guy afro who specialized in “happy mountains” and “happy clouds.” I have a few watercolor replicas of his “happy little trees” tucked away in my box of childhood crap.
Anyway, I went out and purchased some stretched canvas and acrylic paints, read a few articles on technique, and began my first serious artwork project. My happy subjects were the logos of my three favorite beers. I didn't do any tracing, but I did look at the beer bottles for inspiration. Here are the finished paintings:
Unibroue La Fin du Monde
Hitachino Nest White Ale
Delirium Tremens
I also gave one to a friend who loves Guinness:
Of course, selling these paintings would be copyright infringement, so I’m not expecting a career breakthrough. But they look nice hanging in my kitchen.
Why painting? Well, I used to get a kick out of watching Bob Ross on the public television series The Joy of Painting. Anyone remember him? He was the happy-go-lucky painter with the white-guy afro who specialized in “happy mountains” and “happy clouds.” I have a few watercolor replicas of his “happy little trees” tucked away in my box of childhood crap.
Anyway, I went out and purchased some stretched canvas and acrylic paints, read a few articles on technique, and began my first serious artwork project. My happy subjects were the logos of my three favorite beers. I didn't do any tracing, but I did look at the beer bottles for inspiration. Here are the finished paintings:
Unibroue La Fin du Monde
Hitachino Nest White Ale
Delirium Tremens
I also gave one to a friend who loves Guinness:
Of course, selling these paintings would be copyright infringement, so I’m not expecting a career breakthrough. But they look nice hanging in my kitchen.
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