Friday, July 30, 2010

Gun-totin' Texan

When you’re going through a career crisis, it’s important to try new things.  Having recently moved to Texas, I thought it was time I learned to shoot a gun.  Not that I’m a fan of guns – I’m basically a pacifist.  And being a vegan, I’m unlikely to do any hunting.  But my dad earned a sharpshooter badge in the marines, so I figured I might have a natural ability, which could lead to an exciting career as a CIA agent!

I know what you’re thinking, but the CIA does have a preference for individuals with advanced math and computer science degrees.  I’m also adept at blending in with my surroundings.  Half the time, my husband doesn’t even realize I’m in the room!  Then I did some Googling and discovered that in order to be a CIA agent, your spouse has to be a U.S. citizen.  Crap, there goes my future in international espionage.  God forbid I leak classified national security information to the Canadians.

I went to the gun range anyway, figuring I could always be a private assassin.  I traded my driver’s license for a cute little lady gun, with downgraded bullets for less kick-back.  Here I am firing my first round...

Okay, so I’m not a natural.  My shots are always too far to the left.  I have the same problem with bowling.  In my defense, I was distracted by the 10-year-old firing the giant hunting rifle in the lane next to mine.  Even with extra earplugs, it sounded like a cannon going off in my ear.  Who knew guns were so loud?

It pains me to admit that my husband out-shot me.  He insisted on bringing home both targets and displaying them side-by-side in the living room.  I had to remind him that it's an unfair comparison because he has experience.  He shot a gun once in boy scouts.  (I was a girl scout, but we mostly slept over at the mall.)  He also spends a significant amount of time playing Battlefield: Bad Company 2Check out his impressive stats!

At least if I’m ever in a position to stop a dangerous criminal, I won’t be the dumb blonde who doesn’t realize the safety is on.  Instead, I’ll be able to graze their right shoulder.

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