Wednesday, February 2, 2011

New Year's Resolution = Epic Fail

Well, it’s February.  My television boycott is officially over, but in all honesty, it ended some time ago.  I did really well for the first week, and then I had one little moment of weakness, followed by many more moments of weakness – cheating is a slippery slope.  The funny thing is, rather than admit defeat, I've been changing the rules to accommodate my missteps.  In the past week or so, the rule amendments have really piled up.  Here are just a few of them…

  • I’m allowed to have the television on while I’m cooking dinner because I can barely see it from the kitchen.
  • I’m allowed to watch television if I’ve been drinking alcohol because I wouldn’t be productive anyway.
  • I’m allowed to watch television while I’m in the gym, working out.  I deserve it!
  • I’m allowed to watch television while I’m in the gym, not working out, as long as I've worked out recently.
  • I’m allowed to watch previously recorded shows that I was planning to watch in February because I'm not actually watching more television than I would otherwise.  It’s just a “now or later” issue.
  • For my own safety, I’m allowed to watch television when it’s really windy outside, in case the local weather service issues a tornado warning.

I know I’m just lying to myself, but I can be so convincing.

Anyway, just because I failed miserably at this 30-day trial doesn’t mean that I’m abandoning the idea of giving up television.  If I can’t go cold turkey, I’ll just have to do it gradually.  Oh, if only I could chew a piece of gum or slap on a patch and feel sufficiently entertained!

The other day, I was reading David Sedaris’ essay about when he quit smoking by moving to Japan, and it occurred to me that moving to Japan might also help me give up television.  Sure, TVs are everywhere in Japan, but I wouldn’t understand a word of it!  Plus, Japanese programming consists mainly of anime, science fiction, and variety shows, none of which I am even remotely interested in.  My husband would probably put up some resistance – he went to Tokyo years ago and had a bad experience with “fish bread” – but I bet if I played up the whole “addiction” thing, I could convince him to go.  And if my addiction proves to be overpowering and I learn Japanese just so that I can watch television, well, then at least I will have acquired a new skill.  冒険が始まるようにしなさい!

1 comment:

  1. How about "I'm allowed to watch television while I'm cooking, because that's good motivation for me to actually cook a healthy meal instead of microwaving fish sticks"?